How Crochet Helped Me Embrace My Body and Self-Love
As surprising as it may seem, learning to crochet has played a significant role in my journey towards self-love, especially in appreciating my body. While I haven’t entirely eliminated negative self-talk, I've become much better at recognizing and halting it before it spirals into harsh criticism of myself for not meeting unrealistic beauty standards.
For context, I am under 5 feet tall and weigh less than 100 pounds. My breasts are a full A-cup, and I’m fortunate if a size 5 shoe fits me. From my late teens to early twenties, I often felt like a woman trapped in a girl’s body. Cue Britney Spears’ “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman.”
My sweet dad (who isn’t very tall either) used to try to cheer me up by saying things like, “You won’t need to spend as much on clothes; you can buy kids’ sizes!” While not entirely wrong—sneakers, for example, are almost half the price for the same item in kids’ sizes—this wasn’t what a young 20-something wanted to hear. I didn't want to be limited to clothes that made me look more like a kid. I was envious (and sometimes still am) of adults who could walk into a store and find at least one item that fit. Even hats, scarves, gloves, socks, and underwear were a gamble.
My mother, also petite but in a retail sense (5 ft 1, size 6.5 shoes, 25/26 inch waist), would tell me stories about living at the tailor. While another attempt to cheer me up, it only made me want to crawl into a hole. Tailoring almost every item of clothing wasn’t something a recent grad in NYC could afford.
This shopping dilemma did save me money, and some kids’ clothing these days passes as “adult” in my mind. However, it took a while for the dressing room tears to stop. I was frequently told to learn to sew. While I tried hand sewing a few things and took some items to be tailored, I still felt somewhat hopeless. As an artist, I love clothing as a means of self-expression. But I didn’t want to resort to a boring uniform because I couldn’t find clothes that fit.
One random day around 2014, I was at a friend’s home whose sister crocheted. She taught me a basic stitch to make a scarf. For many, scarves aren’t exciting and are expected as a first project. But for me, a scarf was thrilling. It was the first scarf I ever wore that didn’t almost touch the ground or require wrapping around my neck multiple times. I wasn’t even thinking about making full garments then. But the excitement of having something that fit perfectly was incredible. The same goes for hats. I could have a hat that fit my head without covering my eyes!
Since that first lesson, I’ve crocheted on and off, mainly in winter. A few years ago, I started exploring other items like tops, dresses, and shorts. Now, I can either watch a tutorial (I struggle with reading patterns) or freehand a garment.
Crochet has taught me a valuable lesson: my body isn’t the problem. I just needed to take a little more time to find or make clothes that fit me and suit my style.
